The Tea Girl of Hummingbird Lane by Lisa See – Mothers, Daughters and Tea

I stumbled upon this book at my library. Having read See’s previous book, Dreams of Joy, I was naturally curious about this book. I also make frequent trips to different regions of China so I was eager to learn more.

I ended up finding a gem, and after reading the book, I noticed you had reviewed it on GoodReads. I was curious to learn what you thought about it and read through your review. You’ve introduced me to many great reads over the past couple years, and I appreciate you for taking the time to do so!

This is probably the first time our views diverge on book, and I hope you don’t mind me offering mine 🙂

As a first and second generation Indian-Tamilian (born in Chennai, raised in the US), I’d say no other book has spoken to me as much as this one. I was able to relate to Amma, Li Yan, and Haley. I see elements of my grandmother in Amma and the balancing act she played throughout her life. Keeping the family together as change occurs all around her, respecting patriarchy while still carving out space for female traditions, and supporting her daughter even if it goes against tradition. Li Yan represents the women in my mother’s generation and some cases mine as well: moving away from traditional female roles and having to support themselves in the absence of a patriarchal figure such as their father or husband, trying to mesh traditions with the demands of modern life, and failing over and over again in all aspects of life (friendship, love, business, and family).

I’m not much of a crier, but Haley’s passages were potent and caused me to well up. Having grown up in white-bread America and being a dark-skinned Indian, I never fit in. I didn’t look like Hollywood or Bollywood. As a result, much like Haley, I was shut out by the Indian community in the cities I have lived in as well as the American one and grew up with stronger ties to Blacks and Latin Americans. But when you compare the privilege of being raised in America to the fate of women in other parts of the world, it makes you question your complaints. You are forced to “suck it up”. But pain is pain. This is why I loved the scene where the girls are talking to the psychiatrist because that’s basically how I felt all through my childhood and teenage years. I never fit in, just as Haley and the other adopted Chinese girls. While I wasn’t adopted, I was the darkest skinned person in my family, and people would often ask my mother if I was adopted. It made her sad, and it always made me feel disconnected. My mother was the epitome of the beautiful Indian woman: fair-skinned and tall, while I was short and dark.

It’s easy to be dismissive, read this book and say this is just another story of an immigrant and non-immigrant journey, or reuniting a mother and daughter. But the immigrant journey is morphing over time, which is why it deserves to be revisited. The Chinese immigrants in the US, who previously banded together, have morphed in the second generation to have an in-group and outsiders. This is depicted by Haley’s frenemies in the book, who are quick to call out how she is different from them being born in China, having darker skin, and having been adopted.

I would add that the themes in this book are broader than the immigrant story, and about managing contradictions in the world. The lives of each of the women force the reader to think about the following questions:

– How does one reconcile between deep-rooted cultural values instilled from birth against trying to fit in with the way the world is moving forward e.g. Li Yan?

– How does one sort out tradition and loyalty to family while being pulled by ambition or love for one’s offspring e.g. Amma and Li Yan?

– How does one manifest their destiny aka the “American Dream”, when there is conscious and unconscious bias because of things they cannot control such as their gender, color of their skin, and race?

– How can one find friends and make allies in a world growing increasingly more cynical?

– How can we balance social and technological progress as it encroaches upon millennia of pristine natural resources e.g Mr. Wong?

– How do we live our lives one day at a time, while political and social change happen around us everyday?

– Are we stuck with the mistakes we made in our youth, or we get second chances?

– Do we always have to prove ourselves to fit in, be taken seriously, given opportunities and be loved?

For those who haven’t had to grow up between cultures, generations, and have never felt like an outsider for extended periods, this will be a hard book to relate to. For others like myself, who have been grappling with these questions all their life, they will be able to reflect on how each person, moment, and culture has being woven into making them who they are today and who they will be tomorrow.